How much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Ignore the title, I just want to ramble a bit.

Sometimes I wonder how the hell I've become so principally 'degraded' that I actually tolerate the kind of bullshit that gets shoved down my throat these days.

I used to be so much more impatient, and essentially a bigger bitch but it appears that this thing called 'maturity' has caught up with me. Meh, all I can care about these days in those situations is leaving with grace and with my dignity in tact. But that doesn't mean I can't screw some sorry bitch ass to hell every once in a while.

Volunteer work sucks. You need a lot of patience, and a lot of time. Now volunteering manpower is different than being a central force in a project. When you're actually building a project from ground up it can sap you of life. I've learnt alot of things about organisational skills and handling people from Raleigh and YPD. But just in general, if you've pissed me off in the past month, here's a belated fuck you.

And now, a letter to my father that I'll probably never give him.

Dear dad,

I know you spend thousands of ringgit every year just satisfying my chocolate fetish. I undoubtedly appreciate the haul of exotic treats you bring home every time you go overseas. I know you want to make me happy and somehow think that all that chocolate makes up for the fact you got me something that melts in my hands and my mother YSL lipstick in Argentina, a Longchamp bag in Paris and Marc Jacob's 'Blush' in the plane on your way back from Kenya. But here's the thing.

Never. Ever. Buy. Lindt. Ever again.

I don't care if its Swiss, I frickin' hate it. I don't like Tiramisu or Tarte Citroen chocolate. I don't care if Petits Desserts costs a lot, it taste like crap. I could care less when you say "It's good to try new things" and then buy a billion bars of Lindt in different flavors, expecting me to eat it when you and my mother nibble on tiny pieces like rabbits.

Toffifee? Hell yeah.

Cote D'ore? Not bad.

Toblerone? Common, but the honey chocolate jumbo bar still kicks ass.

Flakes? Bring it on.

But never, ever Lindt. Ever again. Except the Swiss Delice's Bouquet d'Orange and Merveille de Lait. :)

Sincerely,
Your choking-on-strawberry-milk-flavoured-chocolate daughter

P/S: A quarter pound bag of them cheap ass M & M's never hurt either.

That's it, I'm out.

Me Ho You Ho No No Me HO!!!

I knew it. I was a camera whore in hiding. Anyway, today I went out and finally got myself a nice juicy memory card and USB memory card reader (my phone didn't come with a cable, WTF?). So now I can upload my pictures from my phone. Mind you my brother has taken our digital camera to the US so this is all I have :(. But really, its not that bad.

I have a Sony Ericsson Z530i. Its pretty cool. Most importantly, its cute :p.

It came with changeable covers, so I changed mine to the black one like this.

On Friday I went to the temple, and before we left I took some pictures with my mom. I was stupid enough to forget that I left the pictures setting on 'small' so some of the pictures I really really like are small as hell. Needless to say I was ultra pissed.


Mommy!


Me.LOL.


Me with a slightly stupider expression on my face.


I corrected the settings on this one, but its kind of blurry.

Oh, and then I went outside and took some pictures of my dog.


Todd!


Todd again!

Yesterday I went to Selayang Mall because my mother wanted to do some shopping in Parkson for office clothes, and I found the cutest outfit ever.

I've always an inane fetish for professional looking office clothes like suits. This was really nice, I wanted my dad to buy it for me so I could wear it to interviews and stuff. It was in The Executive's new line.


The collar is Nehru collar like


The skirt is pleated, but its short.


Clean lines in the back


I never knew Parkson actually had things to look at other than lingerie.Lol.

Later on, while we were lining up in front of the McD ice cream kiosk.My mother and I have this ritual that when we come to Selayang Mall, we always, ALWAYS get some ice cream.

So anyway, we were in direct view of this souvenir shop that sells all kind of knick knacks. My mother suddenly saw this row of golden pigs on display and told my dad she wanted to buy it because it looked 'prosperous' (in jest of course) and my dad said "Sure, buy it, buy it and go home and hang it right above your head and cuddle it when you sleep and you will prosper". Upon further inspection we discovered the pigs actually looked different from one another, they were not just the same thing in different sizes. They were a family!


Of course I took a picture of it!

Mom: Hey, we are like that family! (minus my brother)

Me: Haha, guess which one is appa(my dad)!

Mom: Look, it even has chubby cheeks like him!

Me & Mom : HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA (people were staring)

My dad just stood there grimacing. Me and my mom have so much fun!

Before we left I had taken more pictures, my mother test tried this shimmery blue eyeshadow stick on me. It was really glam and suprisingly, I liked it alot. I don't think you can see it in the picture though.


Woot! Angles!


Do I look like I have a double chin? WTF?!

Today we went to the phone store, and then to Masjid India to do some shopping. I also got the materials for the Science workshop we're doing at an orphanage for Raleigh's Post Intro Weekend Project. Its this Saturday, so I'll let you guys know how it goes!


The view from Station Kopitiam in Semua House.

That's it for now. I can gladly say my posts will be picture filled now. Wheeeeee!

Raleigh IW January '07

Posted on the Raleigh blog.

As the muscle aches wear off, the mosquito bites stop itching, and the dust (or more accurately, mud) from the last Introduction Weekend settles, we stop to reflect on what we’ve learnt, the relationships we’ve built , the new things we’ve discovered about ourselves and the bad habits we hope to leave behind.

Now, that all seems nice and peachy written down, and no matter how much the Raleigh staff members (and our parents) try to believe that’s what we participants are doing, the truth is we are more likely to be cursing staff members for the treacherous trek, giggling at the thought of the absurdity of some activities/games (Giants, wizards and dwarves, anyone? Special thanks to Adrian for letting team Bravo know what its like to be cockroaches killed by Ridsect), and revel in the moments where we didn’t have to listen to the coordinators righteous instructions for at least a little while (who knew being stuck in the middle of a large body of water on a shoddy raft would be the most serene thing ever?)

In order to talk about my Raleigh experience thus far I’d have to start at the last thing we did, which was get on the bus and fill up those cliched survey forms. I had the privilege of getting to know a number of the staff members prior to IW through Reaching Out and maintained contact with some of them. While filling out my form it seemed impossible to write model answers that one usually does for these kind of things, it seemed a too ludicrous considering the kind of people I’ve discovered the Raleighians to be. Not to mention how unhelpful those type of responses would be. Instead, I gave honest and individual specific responses, which I know for a fact entertained many of the staff. (webmaster: yes all the forms gave us a big laugh!)

The best way to give a serious reaction was to give an unserious one, since that was exactly the way the staff really reached us and made us think during IW. No doubt they were serious when necessary, one would expect no less, but as young people who have pretty much grown up being told what to do by being talked down to, it was refreshing and effective to be looked in the eye and be spoken to from the same level.

As it started raining during a trek, it occured to me the rain really invigorated me so I began singing ‘I’m Only Happy When It Rains’ by Garbage with one of my team coordinators (the lovely Miss Siaw Ling). A team mate of mine also taught my whole team (Bravo) the ‘Worm Song’ that we sang so much during the trek some actually hummed it as they went to sleep. Yes, we were very musical indeed.


Although there was always plenty of joking and teasing going on, the amount of respect and admiration we participants have for the staff members is undeniable. This was confirmed during the trek and towards the end of it, when the river water levels rose, there were injuries and people were so cold they could barely move. It was amazing that the situation was always organised and under control, handled completely by young people (yes, I mean ALL of you). It made us think what we were really capable of too, if only we wanted to be.

So ultimately, I believe whatever IW was intended to achieve, it managed most of it. Even though groups of us sit at home thinking this experience was really different from other camping trips and team building activities in the way that everyone was just plain freaky and nuts (in the best way possible), the truth is through the insanity, I believe the real message of Raleigh really got through. As staff make crude wagers on how many from IW are to continue with Raleigh, know that you’ve piqued the interest of most, have convinced at least one to carry on (me) and hopefully impacted more than just a few.

To my team (Bravo!) and cuckoo coordinators, Siaw Ling and Lymun (we’re still talking about you guys!) your support truly meant the world. To all the staff members, coordinators and facilitators, on behalf of all the participants I’d like to say a big thank you for a great time. We hope to see you soon and take the opportunity to terrorise you from now onwards with our annoying sprightliness and barely feasible ideas. Blame yourselves.

Personally, as someone who has been apart of many volunteer/environmental organisations led by boring governmental geezers, the crazy/stalker/loony/screwball/unhinged/nutty Raleighians seem like the best deal ever. If you’re the kind who’s pretty straight laced or timid, a few lines from a George Michael song comes to mind :

‘...And I’m dancing with the freaks now, I’m havin’, havin’ so much fun...
Yes I’m dancing with the freaks now,
We’re havin’, we’re havin’ too much fun...’

And if you’re a participant, I sincerely hope that even if you can’t make it to an expedition, don’t just let go of this. It really is a chance of a lifetime. (webmaster: If you learn 'this' much in IW, you'll gain 10X more in expedition!)

All my love, and have a good year everybody.

Lali

The Music Post

I made a pretty concise music post on the Lunatics blog. Check it out!!

Lunatics

Raleigh International's January 2007 Monthly Meeting

And so I went. And I was the only brand spanking new participant there (but there are 36 people that have purportedly registered for Introduction Week), and I got applauded 4 times. For just being there. Don’t ask.

The reason I went to the Monthly Meeting was to know a little more about the upcoming expeditions, which I did get to do. I also met a whole host of Raleigh people/committee members, some of the ones from Reaching Out were there, there were also others. I spoke to Adrian for a bit and later on wondered why the hell this particular dude was the president, seeing that I expected someone a whole lot more serious and mature. He’s funny, a crazy joker, never serious but importantly, very warm and encouraging. His friendliness is apparent through his never ending jokes and his crazy facial expressions. I get exactly why he’s the President now.

I met Shirleen, who is so sweet you just want to grab and hug until she explodes, Nathirah, who laughs and laughs and laughs (she sat next to me) and a whole host of other lovely people. And Yen! What was just awkwardly stupid was that ‘newbies’ are not supposed to know what goes on during Introduction Week and a whole junk load of other things, so there were several moments people just went “By the way, when we do the at-oh wait, shit, she’s not supposed to know”. At one point Adrian jokingly asked me to cover my ears for a while. Uh...yeah. I got the feeling maybe newbies didn’t usually come to Monthly Meetings, but at one point Shirleen told me it was really good that I did. Not to mention the quizillion times I got applauded even though I just sat there.

I’m really happy that I did go to Reaching Out! and tonight’s Monthly Meeting. Even though I have no problem being social with strangers, it will be really great to walk to our meeting point on Friday and see some familiar faces that know me. It’s sure to be fun, and no, I’m not afraid at all at the thought of what those crazy Raleigh people might throw at me.

To know more about Raleigh, their projects and expeditions, I’ve put a few links below for you guys to explore. Of all youth development, adventure and/or community organisations, they should appeal to young people the most simply because its run by young crazy fun people and not a bunch of governmental geezers. Check it out, and even if you don’t go for an expedition, they have plenty of projects all year long.

Raleigh's Official Website
Everything you need to know is right here, although the navigation is a bit confusing. Check out the right sidebar for additional links on every page

Raleigh's blogspot blog
Updates on activities, articles by members and announcements

Committee and Support Group
Committee members and an idea of what Raleigh does. And yes, those people are real, and I have met most of them.

Expedition Information and more an Raleigh and its purpose
You can know more about what Raleigh's 10 weeks expeditions are all about here.

That’s it for now, I’m sure I’ll have bucketloads to report after IW. Who knows, maybe you’ll be there too?

Art = The Conversation Death Trap

Masaccio was the first great Master of the Renaissance. His work perpetuated many of the ideas that Giotto, the first person to be famous since the classical period, revolutionized and brought into light, though in a poorly developed manner.

It was Masaccio though, an apprentice of Masolini who really embarked on the quest towards realism and humanity while deviating from the standard flat frescos, tempera art and gothic art that meant to instil fear in godly forces and tell stories from the bible. Judith Clark writes that art was the ‘television’ of the Renaissance, and Massacio formed more dramatic, and importantly realistic art that drew people in and moved them to feel the emotions that the people in his paintings felt. He also humanized god, making Jesus and the Holy Trinity more reachable to the people, more humble and even portrayed saints in the state of poverty. Masaccio took on painting from a mathematical standpoint and perfected perspective, which was one of the reasons his paintings appeared extraordinarily realistic to the people of the Renaissance.

Ironically, all though Masaccio achieved so much, the one thing that fascinated me the most about him, above the fact that until this day it is not known where he learned all that he knew, is that he died very young.

Now though, art has become unreachable to many in their opinion. This idea has been perpetuated by art elitists, the kind of people that think they’re the only ones with enough knowledge and experience to tell you exactly what that formless, undecipherable splash of paint on some famous painting means. Its in peoples minds that art requires one to have in depth knowledge of art history, and some kind of ‘symbology sensory’ that allows one to pick up what one brush stroke indicates and another deters. This is a very frustrating mentality that bars me from having any real form of discussion about art with a person (discussions mean I don’t do all the talking) because they just turn off the part of their brain that thinks.

Art throughout history has dipped in and out of the autocracy of art to the feebleness of it (Rene Magritte’s ‘The Use Of Words’ comes to mind). Although it seems confusing and rather random, if you look closely enough one realises that art simply mirrors the cultures, ideals, and situations of those times. It truly was the ‘television’ of times, and as the world got older, it simply showed things to be exactly as they are.

If you’re someone who has never considered taking art seriously, you should really give it a shot. My interest in art isn’t inherent, although now I feel like it runs in my blood. Around me, many of my friends are hardcore music fanatics. They play more than one instrument each, spend thousands on books, notes, lessons, concerts and CD’s. They obsess and babble about all sorts of music things all the time (to which I don’t relate at all), being all “Shit, that day I was play Canon in D, and holy cow, my sister started jamming on the guitar, and I was so pissed, because blahbleelahblah....”. They know names of composers, play famous pieces and know bits and pieces of history. But I haven’t even met one person with a true interest in art. I know people who can paint quite nicely (because they went for art classes for years) but nobody has the bug I have. Truthfully, music and art are closely related, so why is art so unreachable?

When you look at a painting, in your mind you don’t have to be thinking “The use of geometry is very reminiscent of Kasimir Malevich’s ‘The Red Square’, by the method in which it jettisons realism and portends the end of logical comprehension of art in a more seismic and/or generic inclusion of perception.” Hell no! Even I don’t think that. And I can guarantee no art historian or specialist thinks that all the time either. You can admire the colours, interpret it to your own liking. Heck, when I saw a picture of Pablo Picasso’s ‘Potrait of Ambrose Vollard’ (which is a marvel of cubism) all I could think was “Holy shit! That looks like those flashing abstract thingys from Depeche Mode’s video Martyr!”. Yeah, and I’m the optimistic one.

If modern vagueness isn’t your thing, a lot of classical works are a lot more literal. During the quest for realism and humanism, paintings focused on being more realistic while maintaining the mysticism and mystery it was known best for (and no, I’m not talking about the Da Vinci code). Look it up online. Or use it as an excuse to visit the rest of the world.

Whatever it is, art should reemerge from the shroud that is the fog of hippies, optimists and elitists. Go visit some art gallery already people.

And while you’re at it, look up some works of Masaccio. Although I’ve already finished the Renaissance and am now treading through the ornate and expensive (International Gothic, guh), Masaccio sticks with me, simply because he died by age 27. As an artist it disables him from the stream of history, because his life ended, and that was a full stop in the period of Masaccio and his immediate influences. I think it appeals to me because of how we are all left hanging, it makes him an enigma. Who knew what kind of revelations, what marvels he might have created, if he had lived long enough?

I guess that shows its not always about the art.

Welcome to the club

In the past one or two weeks alone (fine, two) that’s passed since I last updated my blog, I had high expectations, got those hopes screwed (simply by circumstance, not my fault), been on hormonal frenzies by losing my apetite, getting it back and having cravings like a pregnant woman, reached a whole new level of self awareness, which includes fully understanding what a devilish charlatan I really am. Most importantly noticeably, I’ve realised how much I’ve changed.

Now I know people always say you grow more into yourself as you grow older (actually, Oprah says that), and once you graduate high school you step into this whole new dimension of being ‘you’ (Oh god, am I really saying all of this?). I saw a rerun of Spiderman on AXN the other day, there was one part where Uncle Ben tells Peter (not verbatim), “This is the time in your life that will determine what kind of man you will be in the future”. Holy cow, is that’s true, I’ve had some pretty big revelations. And holy cow, what a person I’m gonna be.

I’ve only gotten “You’ve changed a lot” once from people I used to go to school with and haven’t seen in years, but I sense that I have changed drastically in a short period of time, simply through the way people now interact with me, and the way I consciously think. If you know me at all, you’ll know this is not a ‘wallflower turns into the belle’ case at all, I’ve always been, well, the belle. Or one of them. I could go into the specifics of what’s changed, but hey, why the hassle?

Changes I’m grateful for? I feel more empowered. In other words, I’m more sure of what strengths I have and I’m getting stronger ideas of how to use it to benefit me. And kiddies, I’m not talking about ‘doing law because I debate well’. A lot of what I feel are my strengths I’m going to keep experimenting with and playing on, and I’m sure it’s going to completely change the way I live my life and have relationships with people. It’s going to become a more integral part of me and the way I look at myself, but hey, I’m 17, I’m allowed to still ‘be getting there’.

I’m also now comfortable with the fact I will never be the ‘nice’ one. It doesn’t mean I’ll be the cruel one. It means I’ve found a dynamic balance between really caring and faking empathy
(which gets harder every day). Or just not giving a fuck.

On a personal update, I got the wish that I made on the 8th of December 2006 granted. I wanted to meet new people and make new friends. And boy have I. It’s good and refreshing. The fact that I relate more to people elder to me is more prevalent now than ever.

Have a good year, whatever good means to you. If you’re 17 and still full of drama, stay a way from me. I lost that bug when I was 14. If you’re 21 and living the life of your dreams complete with elating successes and bone crushing defeats, know that I want your life. If you’re 20-something and obsessed with me, you should know the truth is I think you’re just a piece of meat. If you’re 40 and feeling a little less pathetic, you’re finally worth the plot of land that you stand on.

If you’re still a little lost, and a little sure, but not quite there yet, join hands and start praying that you’re not the one telling the cripple in front to hurry up and Satan to get back in line.

Happy New Year.